I’d like to take a minute to talk about lady butthole. I’ve already addressed ass cleanliness in this blog. Now it’s time for me to…come clean…hehehehe.
The truth is that all women are born without buttholes. That blog was a blatant ploy to further convince men that we are normal creatures who possess God made assholes. Alas, that is not the truth.
Girls are perfect beings born without the need to shit or pass gas. That is so below us. Don’t ask me about how the magic of the female body works. Hell if I know. Anything that has the ability to make a god damn baby is a mystery to me. All I know is that our bodies have no need to shit. It processes food in some other magic way.
Wait, wait, wait you say! What about all the anal sex? What about the times I’ve heard my girlfriend fart? Let me clear all that up for you.
Much like boys get circumcised if the parents chose for him to be, little girls get butthole surgery when they are very young. Some girls have parents that feel this is a barbaric practice that serves no real purpose. Those girls grow up having to explain to their boyfriends that it’s not that they are prudish when it comes to back door sex, it’s just that they have no back door.
The lucky girls that get butthole surgery get one made by a plastic surgeon. It is only about four to five inches deep and is basically just a tube to nowhere. Occasionally there are problems with the openings and girls have to go in later in life to get their buttholes tightened but that is very rare.
Because this is a secret in today’s society, girls must keep up appearances by pretending to shit. Haven’t you ever wondered why girls have the ability to poop in two minutes flat while guys take an hour? Because we’re not actually shitting. We’re picking at our nails, straightening the bathroom cabinet and reading a magazine.
Now, for those of you who have heard girls fart, there is an explanation for that as well. There are tiny devices we can insert into our fake assholes that not only make a farting noise but also emit a slight smell. Girls generally will insert one of these once they’ve been in a relationship for a long enough time and want to prove to a man how comfortable they are by “letting one slip”.
There are inserts that are rose and cotton candy scented as well but those tend to be used mostly by strippers.
Now you know. But keep it on the DL.
No comments:
Post a Comment